It’s 2:41 on day 3. Damn I cannot sleep in this coldness. So I turned the heating on to full, put some citrus gum in my mouth, and reading Vogue which I bought yesterday in a dysfunctional shopping frenzy. Being on this fast has made me realise I have so many fears:
-someone forcing me to eat before day 28. My nan is staying with us for a month and a half. I’m scared she’ll .„ I don’t even know. -passing out in school or on the street -eating food (I can’t physically stop dreaming about it!!!) -exams. Should I be fasting 2 months before life determining exams?
I’ve decided that if I reach my goal weight of 50kg before day 28, I’ll break the fast. I’m not sure how likely that is but I guess we will see.
I didn’t listen to the logic of the human body’s nutrient absorption mechanism and pretty much gained back everything I worked so hard for. I associate body-positivity with being fat. I hate myself and I don’t go out anymore, either because I know I will cry at regular intervals or just be depressed and fat.
I don’t want this to be misunderstood though, it’s not as easy to get fat as you might think.. It’s worth at least a couple of days of constant eating, to the point where you’ve eaten so much you can not move. I went to extreme measures to get food such as cycling for miles in harsh weather in the early morning or very late at night, probably spent about £70 on it in a very short period of time. HAHA LOOK AT HOW FUCKED UP I AM
Right now I am at a point where I understand myself better- I’m starting another fast [right now] because fasting makes me feel s u c c e s s f u l
I’ll have spinach smoothies or strawberries when I feel faint snm
nicotine and shisha are my friends right now
On day 11 I woke up and I knew I was gonna break my fast. I think I knew the day before. I woke up at about six on the morning and I cycled to mcdonalds. Before I got there, I stopped at co-op, but I didn’t like anything there (um what the fuck, they have everything). It was SO cold and windy and the sweat froze on my skin eurghhh. I finally get there, and they won’t do the normal menu, only the breakfast menu. I get angry and upset and walk our, at this point I’m very close to crying. I cycle for a further 7 moles to the next nearest little town centre place. I buy a spring onion and cheese pitta, Andy war holes sparkling water and evian water. I eat most of the first half of the pitta even though it’s so fatty I throw out the rest because I can’t Stand the thought of having it with me. I go into Gregg’s, buy two “magic waters” one is straw berry, the other banana. Also I buy sweet and salty popcorn and a chilli chicken sandwhich. I kinda eat some, throw some away but they are fucking delicious. I’m wandering around this place the whole time. Aldi has now opened, so I buy Ketchup and a fruit loaf. I get on my bike and cycle another 7 miles, until I get to a bakery called ‘sugardough’. I get a spinach risotto wrap and a blueberry muffin. I cycle to the beach, and eat both in the crazy wind. By now I feel so full and sick that cycling is becoming a heavy and painful task. I finally get to town and park me bike. I find out the mcdonalds menu isn’t on until 10.30, but that’s okay, I can wait. So, I do.. I visit random shops, go to caffe Nero and get a cappuccino and then… KFC opens. I get the flamin wrap which comes with popcorn chicken and chips. I feel so sick, I just nibble on the edge to look as if I’m eating while really, I’m just looking out the window, to see when McDonald’s board switches from breakfast to lunch. Finally it does, I don’t care what people think, I just. Go ahead an buy four chilli mayo burgers. Then I go to costa, order a water and just sit there. After this is shut myslef in shopping mall toilets, eat two burgers and the rest of KFC. I leave the ketchup and chips in the toilet. I eat 2 Millie’s cookies, Jaffa and red velvet, drunk the cookies and milk coffee and cycle home in the rain. Did I mention I missed school for this? I feel so fucking depressed today, I’m just happy I have nine days of not eating
Being hungry is a way of life ;)
Srsly tho pepsi max.
I am being cold on purpose and shivering not on purpose and burning calories not on purpose.. on purpose
Omg take the ‘s’ from ‘fast’ and you get ‘fat’
That probably means, take Skittles out of your life
Sauces, Slices of .. sss…spizza ….